One Lonely Christmas
by zigzag
Summary: Many roads to take, some to joy,some to heart-ache, anyone can lose their way.' Sometimes it's hard to put the past behind you. (one-shot)


**Disclaimer: **I own everything in this story except that beautiful face in this girl's memory ;) …and, of course, 'What If' sung by Kate Winslet.

Just a little plot-bunny that this song inspired, for my friend Heva, who's having a little trouble writing at the moment….hope you enjoy… happy Christmas wonderful readers!

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_Here I stand alone_

_With this weight upon my heart_

_And it will not go away_

_In my head I keep on looking back_

_Right back to the start_

_Wondering what it was that made you change_

Soft flakes of powder-white snow fell through the frosty air. The sky was opaque black, the colour of coal and speckled with little glowing stars. The misty window was coated with sparkling frost and the frame was hung with small icicles.

Forest-green eyes peered out from the warmer side of the glass, glazed in thought.

_Well I tried_

_But I had to draw the line_

_And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

The street outside was bare, not a soul walked the paths and not a single car drove along the slippery roads. The windows of the houses opposite glowed a bright orange and cheery decorations and colourful lights were visible inside.

Slipping her eyes shut she imagined all the families gathered in the warmth, the couples cuddling on sofas and the small children playing under the Christmas trees. If she had chosen another path, would there be children playing under her tree… a couple in her living room, laughing and smiling. Maybe she wouldn't be stood at the window, wondering where in the world he was, because he would be here in her arms.

_What if I had never let you go_

_Would you be the man I used to know_

_If I'd stayed_

_If you'd tried_

_If we could only turn back time_

She turned from the window, her eyes catching sight of a small gold frame that stood on her dresser, glittering in the dim lamplight. Picking it up she examined the picture. A young woman with dark hair and green eyes knelt on the floor, clutching a single white rose, a flimsy green paper hat in her hand. I man sat crossed-legged beside her, his brown hair falling in his eyes, batting the woman's hand away from him as she tried to slip an equally-flimsy, blue cracker-hat onto his head. Both appeared to be laughing hysterically.

_Many roads to take_

_Some to joy_

_Some to heart-ache_

_Anyone can lose their way_

_And if I said that we could turn it back_

_Right back to the start_

_Would you take the chance and make the change_

How could something so wonderful end so easily? How could one person's words shatter something so sacred, even if they were her own? Replacing the picture on the dresser she stood remembering a decision that, perhaps if she could make it again, would be different. Her mind drifted back half a year before. An argument, a few raised voices, a packed bag and a slamming door- that's all it took to end it all.

_Do you think how it would have been sometimes_

_Do you pray that I'd never left your side_

_If only we could turn the hands of time_

_If I could take you back would you still be mine_

Where was he now? In the next village or on the other side of the world, did it make a difference? Maybe, if he had the choice he would do it all again. Maybe, if it had been his choice in the first place he would be here right now, he always had been the rational one.

_What if I had never let you go_

_Would you be the man I used to know_

_What if I had never walked away_

_'Cos I still love you more than I can say_

_If I'd stayed_

_If you'd tried_

_If we could only turn back time_

She leaned her head against the white wall, the paint was peeling, exposing the dirty plaster underneath, it hadn't been re-painted- it wasn't worth it, he had said, the house would be sold soon, when they bought a place together. Paint would have been a waste of money anyway; they had been saving up for the wedding. A ring of pale skin circled her wedding-finger, contrasting with the tan that had not yet faded completely. She remembered their holiday, in the warm, Mediterranean sun, he had slipped the delicate engagement on her finger and she had refused to take it off, until it no longer seemed so wonderful. She could still see him in her mind. His long, dark hair, chocolate- brown eyes, soft smile- you don't know what you've got until it's gone. If she had realized what she had sooner, would they be together now. Perhaps she would still be laughing, perhaps she wouldn't be spending her Christmas alone.

_But I guess we'll never know_


End file.
